The Return to Target

I’m not sure if it is because the Target store is so foreign to my kids still or because all kids are just utterly fascinated by self-checkout, but here’s how I feel every checkout goes when I’m there:

I just want to buy the four things in my cart, but every time I look down the girls have put 17 additional things in there and keep running away to get more. Then as I finally get them focused and excited to scan things, making the “beep” sound, they get so enthusiastic with this process that they scan every item twice and then demand a plastic bag for every item, even though I brought my own bags. (Sorry earth, maybe next time...) One advance made in the time we’ve been living abroad is that they now have the screen that records you while you checkout.  Once the kids catch a glimpse of this, there’s no stopping them. So much shrieking with joy, “Look in the camera, Mom! It’s MEEEE!!”  Then they proceed to climb up to get a closer look at their own faces on screen, their collective body weight now throwing off the built-in weight sensors. This makes the system completely stall and the red light go off, signalling for assistance. Last week, when the guy came to help at this point in checkout, he was so focused on the machine as I was trying to pull both kids off the scale while they were making faces at themselves in the camera, I finally said, “Let’s fix the root of the problem here! You grab the small girl and I’ll get the bigger one!” He just looked at me and said, “Ma’am, I only see one of your six Trident gum packs.”  I never meant to get any.  Ah....America. All kidding aside, it is great to be back!            

It’s been just over five months since we moved back.  Moving in June was a perfect start as it allowed us to spend lots of fun summer days with all the people we missed so much these last three and a half years. Our US living situation was a bit rocky for four months, as we lived in a furnished apartment for one month followed by a tiny unfurnished apartment for three more. The house we originally had under contract did not work out. We bailed on it after the inspection, and we are quite relieved we did. But we then tried to buy two other houses, got in bidding wars with multiple offers on both, and lost both.  Every time Nate and I live with no furniture, the same seven-ish shirts, and use an air mattress as our sleeping quarters - and let’s be honest - also the kids’ sleeping quarters at this point, we swear it is the last time we will ever do this to ourselves...and then some opportunity seems worth it and we do it again!  At least the whole family wasn’t sharing a single towel this time as my air shipment packing strategy has improved over time.

Luckily, the fourth house was the charm for us! We got into a bidding war, but this time, we were victorious!  We closed September 19th and wasted no time. Our sea shipment came the the following day and we’ve been living here (with real mattresses and even some additional clothing!) ever since.  We landed on a house that feels pretty much the opposite of Hong Kong as it has two acres of land, a nice patio and more bathrooms than frankly I believe any one family needs, but hey, this is America!

With our move back home, one of the biggest changes for us has been significantly less air travel.  Until two weeks ago, we had not flown as a family since July, which left the kids a bit confused and me incredibly antsy. So when Nate asked what I wanted to do for my birthday weekend, I quickly found some great flights to Minneapolis! (Because who doesn’t love leaving 23 degree Philly weather for 13 degree Minnesota weather?!) You would only think I was crazy until you tasted the cheese curds though. They are simply amazing. Within minutes of boarding the plane, Monroe squeezed a ketchup packet so hard that it exploded all over her shirt, face and hair and as soon as I got that reasonably cleaned up, she peed through her diaper (look, I don’t always call them “nappies” anymore!) and pee was all over her pants and soaked my pants as well. Yup, just like old times!  If we are not covered in condiments and bodily fluids, are we really having an adventure at all? Probably not. We have a few other trips lined up (Nate lasted all of one month in the US before he couldn’t stand it and booked a trip to Disney World) and we’ll be planning lots of road trips, no doubt!

There are a few other major changes that we came back to here in the states (other than stuff like the kids actually needing to be in car seats and other fancy regulations like that.) In addition to the Target self-checkout cameras, the most notable were:

- Everything Bagel Seasoning. I mean, why not? I got some because everyone told me it was fabulous. I just can’t decide what to put it on so I haven’t put it on anything yet. (Feel to message me with ideas!)

- Super ridiculous safety outlets that are put in new construction now. I won’t sugar coat my feelings on this one - they’re just awful! Parent shame me all you want, but is it really safer if I cut my fingers and bend metal plug prongs shoving with all my might until I break my toaster? After this experience in our apartment, I told Nate “no thanks” to a new-construction house.  I want the old school electrical outlets that you can actually fit plugs and baby fingers into.

- Chipotle has queso now!  The first time I went I was just moving along the line ordering, like you do, and then out of nowhere, the server asks, “Would you like queso?”  I stood like a deer in the headlights for a moment and then collected myself and replied, “Wow! Is it good?” He replied in surprise, “Um...yeah, I like it.” I was intrigued! “Does it cost extra?!” I asked, now slightly aware that I might be holding up the line. The guy looked around him like I was pulling a prank and then just goes, “Ma’am, I’ll tell you what, I’m just going to let you try some on your burrito for free today, okay?”

- Much like us, nearly all our friends went from zero to one to two kids while we were gone. Our get togethers, which we almost always just dedicate full weekends to now, still contain a fair amount of food and beverages and a great time chatting, but the timing of these weekends often now revolve around some really serious stuff, like Frozen II being released in theaters!  Oh and we all now look like we are every bit of mid-thirties when we wake up with the babies/toddlers at 5:45am after consuming cocktails past midnight. We now collectively go through more coffee, juice boxes, and milk than you can imagine. It would probably be more economical to buy a cow for our weekends together for the next few years! 

But that’s really it...more kids, more toppings at chipotle, some seriously flawed electrical outlets, cameras at self-checkout and everything bagel seasoning! 

So, what’s next for us? All previous ex-pats we have talked to said the first six months back are super fun and enjoyable but that it’s common to hit an emotional lull around the six-month point. Nate figured he better nip this possible emotion in the butt proactively and registered us both for Ironman St. George a couple weeks ago. He asked me one morning what I thought and while I did not say yes, I did not clearly say no either, so I checked my inbox to find a registration confirmation a few hours later.  We have never taken a trip without our kids, and somehow I envisioned one day this might be a romantic beach getaway, but being the gluttons for punishment we are, we will be doing an Ironman on our first trip without kids!  The race is May 2, 2020, so technically training should start...like...last week, BUT I fully intend on enjoying some real American holidays first!  Bring on the eggnog! (Especially since even the organic one only costs $4 here!) After I drink way too much eggnog while staring at my bike sitting on the trainer, I’ll hop in it and we will both be entirely consumed by training (and regular life stuff) until May 2020.

Happy Thanksgiving!